The Shy vs. Introverted Question

Robin and I have been chatting off-line a bit with one of one of our very cool readers who has posted the intriguing question: Are introverts always shy? And conversely-- are shy people always introverts?

And the answer is a resounding ... not necessarily!  But possibly! 

I know, that's about as helpful as hairspray in a hurricane. Introversion is defined by the way in which a person gathers energy for themselves-- either in solitude or in the company of others. To put it in more practical terms, after a demanding day, what is your favorite way to unwind? By yourself, or with friends? Would we be more likely to find you headed out for a walk by yourself, or to a packed kick boxing class at your gym?

Introverts crave and need time alone to reconnect to their power source.  An extrovert needs the energy of others to recharge.

The term shy is used in a number of different ways, but it is really a behavior you can observe. You can see 'shy'. We all know what it looks like, right? But when people use it as an adjective, or a trait to describe someone, it is most often because they have observed that person behaving that way, perhaps over a period of time. We are what we repeatedly do, or so it is said.

I've been called shy all my life, and I suppose that was true when I was younger.  I think that it's introversion now that really fuels my social shrinking behavior. It's not that I feel apprehensive or nervous about engaging with someone or a group (not too often anyway), it's just that I know that it will drain my energy. So, I've become much more selective about my activities.

We'd love to hear from some of you on this!  Any un-shy introverts out there?  Shy introverts? Or shy extroverts?

And, if we haven't already said this, Robin and I welcome private posts for any of you that don't feel comfortable addressing the whole group. Feel free to email me at mlhrshy@aol.com or Robin at rllafevers@cox.net

Have a stellar weekend, friends!  And to those of you at SCBWI Nationals, you lucky things, have a blast.  And, don't forget to P-A-C-E yourselves.  Be kind to your introvert, okay?

Lastly, I do want to take a moment to acknowledge the closing of our Adventures for Kids Children's Bookstore this past weekend in Ventura, California.  Thank you, Jody and Barbara, and all the marvelous team there for your decades of extraordinary work and support of children's literature.  You will be missed.  May your good works return to you each a hundred-fold.

Salud, dear friends!

Mary Hershey

(Original Shy vs. Introverted Post March 2007)

Jonathan Rauch & the Introverts' Rights Movement

I want to thank Jen Robinson for a blog she posted earlier in the week about Shrinking Violets, which led to a marvelous link from one of her readers, Monica, to a 2003 Atlantic Monthly magazine article entitled Caring for Your Introvert by Jonathan Rauch. Don't you just love blogciprocity? We're sending Jen and Monica SV mugs to thank them!

This "astonishingly popular" article struck such a chord with the Atlantic Monthly readers that three years later, it is the most frequently visited on their website. I've excerpted a part of AM's 2006 interview with him here. Do yourself a favor and read both the original article and the interview.

Robin and I will see if we can get an interview with him here. A-hem, Jonathan! In the meantime, enjoy, friends!

"We love people—we're not misanthropic for the most part. We just can't socialize with them all the time. We want to hold their hand or hug them or just sit quietly and read a book with them.

I was tongue-in-cheek about the introverts' rights movement, but the main principle would just be that it should be as respectable for introverts to be who they are socially as it is for extroverts. We ought to be trying to make extroverts conscious and not uncomfortable about the fact that we're here. Extroverts should understand that if someone is being quiet it doesn't mean they're having a bad time; it doesn't mean they're depressed; it doesn't mean they're lonely or need psychiatric help or medication. A lot of the battle is making the extrovert world more aware. The onus is on us to do that. Maybe this article is a start. One thing you'll notice about the article, by the way, is that it addresses extroverts. I think that's very much the strategy; we need to tell the world who we are. The first step is to understand who we are ourselves, but the second step is to educate extroverts. This is stuff extroverts need to know. They're driving us crazy. We need to tell them."