Holiday Survival Guide For Introverts

1. Find a quiet spot in your day, even if it is just for five minutes, and allow yourselves to just be…still, calm, centered. At least for five minutes. A true gift to yourself.

2. Tell everyone you’re going Christmas shopping, but instead indulge in an hour alone with a warm, soothing drink as your only company. No, it's not being selfish; you will have more energy and heart to deal with all your holiday demands if you take care of yourself! Trust us on this.

3. Give yourself some time this holiday—even just fifteen minutes—to do some writing or dream or make big plans for the coming year.

4. If your time is too frazzled to actually make progress on your manuscript, consider personal journaling or maybe even character journaling. Journaling your character's thoughts and feelings can be a great way to stay connected to your WIP without having to actually produce pages. In fact, one of my favorite writing exercises one year was this: Choose a character you’re currently working on and write his or her Christmas wish list.

5. Don’t forget ear plugs. They can be a lifesaver. Especially when the TV is blaring, the kids are playing too loudly, or the snow-blower is going down the street.

6. Don’t forget to plot—plot for a few hours solitude, plot for a quick escape, plot to get everyone to leave early. . .

7. Naps! Either a long luxurious two hour nap where you sleep hard enough to get bed head, or quick refreshing pick-me-up of a 20 minute cat nap, allow yourself a luxury of a nap. Special Perk: Writer + nap = work. (Or at least, that’s what I’ve managed to convince my family.)

8. A plea on behalf of all the introverted children out there in the world—for introverted children, having to get up in Santa’s lap and TALK to this perfect stranger, usually IN FRONT OF other perfect strangers can be the 6 year old equivalent of public speaking.

9. Fill your holiday well by doing the things that make your holiday feel complete and yours. Remember, this is not self-indulgence, it’s self-preservation. It’s also a way to honor the spirit of the holidays in a way that has personal significance for you. Better yet if it is something that no one else really cares for: a local production of The Nutcracker, Watching Love Actually (my favorite Christmas movie EVER), a certain collection of holiday music that makes everyone else groan when you put it on.

10. Don’t forget to recharge your batteries—and no, we don’t mean Duracell or Eveready! We really can’t state this one strongly enough. It’s something introverts have to be vigilant about during the best of time, but during the holidays, it is critical! Take the time to recharge your battery! Do not risk depleting your reserves! (Yes, that’s an order. Or maybe just a sternly worded warning: Whichever makes you most inclined to follow it.)

11. Enjoy the dead zone between Christmas and New Years, when life kind of stops—or at least slows down. It’s a fallow, fertile time when we’ve just capped the year with a celebration and have yet to start the new year with all its resolutions, plans, and intentions. It’s a time for dreaming, reflecting, of reviewing and savoring. If you haven’t had a chance to refill your well or recharge your batteries, grab some time now, while everyone is in this lulled state.

Wishing everyone a fabulous end to 2009!

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And our winner from last weeks additions to the Introvert's Wish List is . . .

Feywriter! For her brilliant idea of NO carpooling!

"10: No carpooling to the family event. Allow us to follow in our own car even though others have plenty of space in the suburban. We happen to like the familiarity of our own vehicle, and the lack of conversation."

Spoken like a true introvert! Feywriter, email Miss Mary and she'll see about getting that prize out to you!

An Introvert's Holiday Wish List

Dear Friends,

'Tis the season for the world to begin their conspiracy to drive the introverts completely, raving, off-our-nut mad. That there aren't more of us now living in treetops or stowed away in caves is a testament to our extraordinary ability to endure!

The holidays can exact a great price. An introvert pushed to the limits of socializing beyond their comfort zone may get ill, depressed, angry, start to overeat/undereat, appear fussy/cranky/insane/asocial, and become the topic of extended family whispering and speculating. The more you try to withdraw, the more the extraverts want to pull you in. They simply can't believe that anyone can enjoy their full complement of fa-la-la during the holidays in any sort of isolation. Unfortunately, holiday happiness seems to have a mandatory composition of bodies piled high upon the couch-- and days full of endless group herding, movies, board games, e-games, shopping, noisy meals, more shopping, decorating, baking, and talking till people's tongues have nearly dried up.

In the way that it is difficult for people to imagine Christmas without snow, the kind that we have in Santa Barbara, it is difficult for people to imagine (or allow) family or friends to have a quiet, private holiday.

Try and imagine this work conversation--

ME: "Hey, Sam, what do you have planned for your holiday?"

SAM: "All the kids are coming home--and they're bringing friends from school. Sue's family is flying in from Maine and we've rented a bunch of cots for the house, and an outoor inflatable jumper for the kids. Tomorrow we're all going to take the trolley around town and do some caroling. I can't wait! What do you got planned?"

ME: "Jill is working graveyard Xmas Eve, so I'm going to rent The Bell's of St. Mary's, pick up some lasagne from Piatti's and have a quiet evening at home. I can't wait."

PETER: "Wow, Mary, that sounds fantastic!"

Yea, right. You know what is going to happen. Coworker Sam will have an anueryism when he hears my plan, and will not be able to take another breath until I've agreed to at least come on the trolley ride, if not come for a sleep over.

As a public service, I've prepared an INTROVERT'S WISH LIST FOR THE HOLIDAYS. You can print t this out and leave it around the house, your work, or mail to your in-laws. We're linkable too, of course.

1. Bose Quiet Comfort 15 Headphones. I think they should come as standard issue with every introvert's birth. Essential holiday weapon, er, accessory.

2. Bail Out Coupons: Good for a no-questions-asked bailout from any holiday activity. Yes, more than one will be required. Sets of five sound about right.

3. Silent Night Video Store: No overhead music, no DVDs playing, no shoppers allowed to conference call family members to assist in selecting films.

4. More holiday cards, less phone calls or emails that require acknowledgments. I'm pining for more cards--I completely adore them.

5. No singing chipmunks of any kind. Even ones singing Single Ladies.

6. Gift certificates for things that we can do alone. Uh, couples massage? Gosh, think I'll pass. A non-talking facial or any spa activity is good, and book or I-tunes certificates are most appreciated.

7. World End to the Infamous Extravert Gift Exchange where every gift is up for grabs repeatedly, and it is the loudest, longest, most ruthless activity I have ever participated in. I suspect this is a favorite holiday tradition at Sing-Sing or Atica.

8. Much more singing of Silent Night and much less of Frosty the Snowman. More Bare Naked Ladies, less Burl Ives. (But, that's just me.)

9. A Stealth Cookie Exchange that takes place in the dark of the night, and no one actually comes into your home, or you into theirs. You just leave snugly wrapped, delicious cookies and fudge on porches. You get extra points if you aren't detected. (I would be so good at this!)

10. Your idea goes here!

We want to hear your number ten, eleven, twelve. What do all of you need to get through the season? Robin and I will vote on the best idea, and the winner will recieve a ::special:: holiday package from us! Leave your idea in the comment section, or email me privately right here!

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I am off in a couple of days to spend three blessed weeks in Texas with my partner's mom, and her wonderful pups, Hank and Lucy. Said partner must remain at home saving lives, which she does extremely well and shouldn't be pulled away from it. My time in Texas is always seeped in quiet, with lots of acreage for contemplation. It is a gift.

Robin and I are signing off our live broadcasts until after the new year, but we will be running some of our favorite entries from past months. Robin had some great holiday survival tips from last year that should make a reappearance, especially for our new readers. We hope you'll keep coming by during the next couple of weeks, and we'd love to hear from you.

We will be back in the flesh on Monday, January 5th. We've got some great things planned for January, including an interview with an author who you're NeVeR going to believe is an introvert. Don't miss it!

Wishing you each long stretches of silence, and deep pockets of joy--
Mary & Robin

Envisioning The Coming Year

I don’t know about you guys, but the holidays are heating up for us around here. Carols are playing, Salvation Army bells are ringing, kids are getting wound up and goofy. Yep, Christmas is just around the corner…

Mary and I would love to tell you all to just take a month off all your promotional and marketing duties, as well as shopping and cleaning and cooking and parenting and just recharge. But of course, we can’t in good conscience.

Plus your families would kill us.

What we can do, however, is share an idea for an activity that you may find spiritually and creatively uplifting, which may in turn help you recharge. An added bonus If you have kids, they can play along.

Here at SVP we try to give you lots of tools to help promote your books, get comfortable with the amount of promotion you can reasonably do, and gently stretch your goals to encompass the life you want to inhabit. A lot of this information is outward focused to meet the challenges of a promoting author. Today however, we’re going to talk about a different kind of activity—a highly inward-facing one: collages and vision boards.

Now before you roll your eyes and think you left all that back in grade school, let me gently point out that collages and vision boards are a highly effective tool in helping focus your creative energies—either in a personal direction or in a project-related one.

There are a couple of different ways to approach a vision board. You can create one that focuses on:

Personal growth aspirations for the coming year
Professional goals
Creative goals
Spiritual areas you’d like to work on.
Qualities you’d like to more fully embrace or invite into your life
Whatever whispers to you, that’s what you should use for the focus of the board.

But perhaps you’re more comfortable working on something to do with your work-in-progress, and that’s fine, too. Some story collages capture the overall mood and feel of the book.

They can also be representative of certain scenes or parts of the book, maybe even parts you're having a hard time nailing down. When you work on a collage, you let your subconscious take over and then, watch out!

You will likely find yourself drawn to elements that have no real place in your life or your story, but will instead invoke some hidden theme or motif. Embrace that.

Supplies Needed:

~ Assortment of magazines and old books
~ poster board or foam core board or even just a big thick piece of construction paper
~ glue sticks, double stick tape, scissors, stamps, anything that your imagination grabs hold of
~ A couple of free hours (probably the hardest to locate!)

But don't just take our word on the benefits of collages. No lesser authority than Carl Jung has claimed that our best work originates in play.

The dynamic principle of fantasy is play, which belongs also to the child, and as such it appears to be inconsistent with the principle of serious work. But without this playing with fantasy no creative work has ever yet come to birth. – Carl Jung

We’d LOVE to see some of the vision boards and collages you create! If you get motivated over the next few weeks (even after the holidays) please do send us a jpeg of your collage/vision board and we’ll feature them here on the blog. (We can absolutely share them anonymously!) And while sharing your project is definitely not required, we might even have a prize drawing for all of those who participate. If you'd like to share, send your jpeg to us here at Shrinking Violets, and we'll do the rest.

So open up your mind and let your imagination GO . . .

How to Peacefully and Gently Promote Your Brains Out in December

I'm somewhat of an organizational savant, and I rely heavily on lists to keep me from spinning off into the next galaxy. Here is an actual* excerpt from my rather longish Holiday To-Do List from last December:

84. Have cat's teeth cleaned

85. See about buying matching urns for the cremated remains of me and spouse

86. Vacuum coils behind fridge

87. Promote my book

88. Iron tinsel and sort in bunches of 25

Unfortunately, I only made it to item #53 last year, which involved making yet another batch of Macadamia Nut Fudge. The last pan put me under the table. When I woke up from my sugar coma, it was a whole new year!

This year, I'm promoting promotion. It's moving up my list-- way up. Top ten, friends. I'm giving it a prime time slot in my month. And it does not involve me packing up books, projector, presentation, postcards, lucky skirt, miscellaneous schwag, and driving or flying anywhere. I am simply going to put into practice what we do best here, which means adjusting the spotlight.

December is laden with low-hanging fruit. Promotion during the holidays can be like shooting fish in a barrel. (Wow. I really hate that expression-- how about petting fish in a barrel? Kissing?) Hoards of over-caffed shoppers armed with plastic are madly chasing a meaningful and personal gift for everyone on their list.

An autographed book can be the answer to their prayers-- either your book, or one from any of the hundreds of authors you may know at this point in your career. But how do we connect the shoppers with the authors? Read on:

1) If you don't already have some, buy/order bookplates (the stick-on thingys that go inside a book that you sign vs. a set of dishes). Now.

2) Next, pick one, two or three authors or illustrators whose work you admire and would like to promote.

3) Contact the author/illustrator via email/Facebook/Twitter, and ask if they would provide signed bookplates for you to give to your contacts.

4) In whatever way that you connect with the world (blog, website, newsletter), spotlight this author's work early in the month. Let your readers know that if that if they buy a book by this author, you can get them an personalized bookplate. Word of caution: If you are wildly famous with squillions of followers, and suspect that this could result in a new full-time job for you, I'll trust that you will set some guidelines to manage this. Perhaps limit your offer to the first ten people that ask.

5) In whatever way feels comfortable for you, let your readers/followers know that you are willing to sign your own books or bookplates as well.

In addition to cool karmic networking and potential sales of your own book, this promotional idea can be used to keep you balanced and awash in good cheer this month. Set this idea loose on your own gift list. Was there a book you read this year that you loved? What if you bought it for nearly everyone on your list? Even if you don't know the author, contact them. Tell them that you're going to buy 5/10/15/20 copies of their book and ask if they'd sign bookplates. You can offer to send them plates and a SASE to make it easy-squeezy for them.

If you are balking at the idea of contacting an author you don't know, consider if is was you being contacted. Would you really mind? Hell, NO! I'd be really happy to do it for someone. And if they do mind, or don't get back to you quickly, move on to the next author on your Wish List.

A book is a completely perfect gift. An autographed book is a treasure. Books are easy to wrap. Easy to mail. Muscle for the mind. Light for the soul. No trans-fats or bitter aftertaste. No expiration date. And, best of all, it can be recycled over and over and over again.

I'm buying as many copies of Lynne Cox's Grayson that I can. It is such a gorgeous work-- an extraordinary parable. I'll be contacting her this week to ask her if she'll send bookplates. I'm betting she will! To go with my book gift, I'm adding a box of Trader Joe's Candy Cane Green Tea (I bought nearly every box in the Continental US-- sorry!) and lush pair of slipper socks. Dark chocolate likely. It isn't even December yet, and my shopping is nearly nailed. I may have time to work on my novel-in-progress!

Count me as an author happy to send personalized bookplates to any of you that ask. I'd be honored. How about the rest of you? If you would like to make yourself available in this way, please email me here and let me know. I'll start the list right here in this posting. And include the way that people can contact you. Thanks!

Authors/Illustrators That Will Send Signed/Personalized Bookplates in December

1. Mary Hershey

2. Robin LaFevers

3. Laura Salas

4. R.J. Anderson

5. Nancy Ancowitz

6. Laurie Helgoe

7.

8.

9.

10.

Do you have a great bookplate? Want to share it with us? Send a photo or link to where you ordered it would be grand. I might even be inspired to part with one of my boxes of TJ Candy Cane Green Tea to the first person that does just that. And I'll add a surprise to go with it. :-)

Robin just popped in as I was writing this to point us all to YA author Sara Zarra's blog. She is proposing an Advent Off of social media for anyone that wants to hop aboard. Starting now through Epiphany. Fab idea.

Pax,

Mary

**'actual' being a relative term for a writer of fiction

The Importance of White Space

This summer at SCBWI National conference, I was one of the nearly 3,000 attendees who was blown away by Sherman Alexie’s opening speech. It wasn’t only the power of his message, or the skill with which he chose his words, nor even his brilliant timing.

No, what struck me like a two by four to the forehead was his masterful use of white space. This man had no fear of letting the room fall silent. In fact, he not only let the room grow silent, but he let that silence build and build until it was nearly bursting with expectation. Then he would step into that void and boom! Connect.

Or conversely, he would say something slyly humorous, then patiently wait for us to catch up to him. You could hear the faint click of our synapses as they sparked, lagging a few seconds behind the speaker, then our laughter would catch up with his words. Or else he would say something funny, then wait for us all to realize the galling pain behind the humor. Clearly, this was a master at work.

And one thing I adore about masters is how we can learn from them.

For me, when I speak, I scramble to fill up every second with something witty, pithy, or meaningful. I experience moments of silence as extreme pressure, a reminder that the onus is on me to produce—and to carry everyone along with me. My presentation’s silent moments are fraught with panic. Sometimes I’m even afraid to be silent long enough to take an actual breath.

But Alexie’s presentation showed me the error of my ways. White space could be wielded as effectively as the most brilliant prose, and to equally devastating effect.

What you leave out is as important as what you leave in.

And really, this applies to all aspects of our writing careers; from our prose, to our presentations, to our blogs.

White space is not merely blank. Its existence creates the balance or emphasis. Without the judicious application of white space, we are in danger of creating something that is far too akin to static.

White space gives depth, adds layers, it creates room to breathe.

I knew all this from a design standpoint, but I had never, ever seen it put to such effective use in a speaking format before.

But white space is not for the faint-hearted. Your speech must be extraordinarily well written. Just a long pause between sentences won’t do; the silence must say something. In a presentation, white space creates drama, it can foreshadow what’s coming next, or leave something to the imagination for the participants to fill in. You want to be sure the meaning in your words will support the weight of all that white space.

But I also wonder if it might not be a chicken/egg thing. Does the importance of your words allow you to use white space? Or does the white space give meaning to your words? Both, probably.

I think that as introverts, we are especially drawn to white space. It connects directly to our souls, feeds our aesthetic need for silence and room to think and breathe. And since it speaks so directly to who we are, it makes sense for us to consider using it as part of our communication style...

Here’s wishing you lots of white space in the next few days as you navigate the joy and noise of the Thanksgiving holiday!

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We also want to sneak in a quick announcement of our contest winner from last week.
Laura Salas is our winner for her inspired quote entry. She wins a copy of Rebecca Stead's WHEN YOU REACH ME. Laura, email Mary and she will get that prize out to you!

Group Recharge

Photo by Charlyn W

In last week's post, Robin gave us all permission to step back from social media as needed, and learn to listen to the needs of our inner selves. I'd like to expand on that permission and offer us all a week off from promotion in general, so that we can fill up our stores. I'd love to have you join me!

When I'm recharging, I need a break from people, from noise, and from schedules-- but I never need a break from words. I crave them, all kinds of them. I have some of my favorite words stenciled in a few places in my house. If I lived alone and was not trying to be a considerate spouse, I would probably have many more. I would happily turn my walls in giant canvases for words-- words that inspire me, ones that never fail to stop me in my tracks, and words that make me smile. (For some fun ideas, check out Wall Words. Said spouse's eyes roll back in her head when she sees me looking at their catalogs. Prefers her words confined to books for some reason.)

I've been wanting to put together a collection of inspired thoughts about introversion for the longest time. I have not been able to find as many as I'd like, and a majority of them sound as if they were written very long ago, with an awful lot of doth-ing and goeth-ing. And by mostly about men, it seems. Surely, there have been some contemporary musings on introversion as well! So, for those of you who would rather not think about promotion this week, I'd love to invite you on a word-treasure hunt. I am looking for words to honor and inspire the contemplative in us each. Since you are mostly all writers, please feel free to send original quotations . My all-time favorite is the one from Ursula LeGuin, which we have had in our sidebar since day one at SVP.

Hardly anybody ever writes anything nice about introverts. Extroverts rule. This is rather odd when you realise that about nineteen writers out of twenty are introverts. We are being taught to be ashamed of not being 'outgoing'. But a writer's job is ingoing. --Ursula K. LeGuin

Here are a couple more that I love:

Conversation enriches the understanding; but solitude is the school of genius.

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

I would rather sit on a pumpkin, and have it all to myself, than be crowded on a velvet cushion. -- Henry David Thoreau

Don't you think this second one would be nice on a living room wall? :-)

If you submit a quotation, we will enter you in a drawing for Rebecca Stead's phenomenal book When You Reach Me (Wendy Lamb Books), which I read while I was recharging this weekend. Read in one long, admiring bite.

Another great way to recharge is to reflect on all that you have accomplished vs. worrying about all that you need to get done. It is essential that we each master the skill of being present in real time. We all spend entirely too much energy traipsing through our past, or speed-skating a trajectory to the future. In doing that, we miss the vibrancy of N-O-W.

So let's pop the cork on a bottle of bubbly and have one of our Milestone Mondays. We'd love to have you share some of the good work that you've been doing, fun news, encouraging rejections, progress on your NaNoWriMo WIP, whatever you feel like telling us about. Since we are in our recharge mode, rather making a noisy ruckus with clapping, we're going to start a giant stadium wave for you! Since Robin and I are on the West Coast, we'll lead off-- ready, Robin? Here we go000OOOOOO!

Hope you all find a deeply satisfying way to fill your bucket this week. All the way to the brim!

Pax,
Mary Hershey

Preaching to the Choir

While I was out of town and during my re-entry phase, my online time was greatly curtailed. I only blogged once or twice, tweeted rarely and updated by Facebook status even less. In effect, I took two giant steps off the grid. Oddly, I find that I’m not missing it that much. In fact, I’ve had a helluva time getting motivated to dip back in to Twitter. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy it, I did. But without it, there is a great, lovely silence in my life right now, an absolute absence of noise and distractions, as if someone turned off that television that was constantly playing in the background.

Then of course, guilt set in. OMG, I’m not doing Every. Possible. Thing. to sell my books every single day. Panic! Horror! Guilt! Trust me, it’s raining self-recriminations here in Southern California.

Which in turn precipitates a whole new set of recriminations:

1. What if all the online selling and promoting basically takes place in an echo chamber? On all the sites I visit and all the twitter accts I follow and all the blogs I read, I see the same names over and over again. What if we’re all preaching to the choir? What if the only people listening are those who are also interested in selling their books. I mean, sure, a lot of conversation takes place, and they can be interesting conversations, but by the same token, it sometimes feels like the sorts of conversations one has at a single’s bar; they aren’t obscuring the reason we’re all there.

2. I know there are a few people who have achieved astronomical book sales through their blogging or brilliant platform building, but just how many of them write in my field—specifically middle grade novels? Not very many. In fact, maybe even zero. I know there have been some YA novelists who’s online presence has really helped them build a readership, but most of their readership is online, very few middle grade readers are, and if they are online, they’re not on twitter or Facebook.

3. Which leads me to wonder just how many books I’ve sold through my online presence. Ten? Fifty? One hundred? What if the emperor really has no clothes? Or is only wearing a pair of fancy underwear? What if those who’ve sold tons of books through their online presence are the true outliers and there is little hope of replicating their success? What if I’m channeling all this well-intentioned energy right down a drain?

In fact, this conundrum reminded me of a great book I read a few years back called The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf. She talked about the sheer amount of energy women spent chasing an abstract ideal of beauty that was constantly shifting—and rarely shifting toward the women’s favor—and just how much energy woman lost in that pursuit.

So this week as I contemplated re-starting all my online engines, a similar concern was running through my head. What if all this energy is in pursuit of an unattainable goal? What if I spend so much time chasing the wrong goal?

Which all goes back to needing to find a way to balance our time and energy. I look at some of these people who tweet all the time and while I love their tweets I do wonder, when on earth do they write? It occurs to me that maybe it’s like those friends who used to like doing their homework with the tv on, versus those who do not.

And the reason I’m doing all this soul searching is, quite frankly, I’m tired. I’ve just come home from a long, hugely productive and overwhelmingly positive series of school visits, I have a book due in (gulp) four months, and a finite amount of energy to spare. I also know that I sold more books in those two weeks than I have sold in all my years online, so it just put me in a pensive mood about where we spend our energy.

For now, I think I have to be content to let my cyber-socializing swing in cycles. People who love and thrive on all the social networking as marketing tend to talk about the value of the conversation, and yes, there are extremely valuable conversations to be had online, fascinating discussions to participate in, and lessons to be learned. There are days when I love the heck out of all those cyber conversations going on out there. Usually when I am elbow deep in copy edits or galley proofing. But other times all those conversations are simply a huge distraction. Like when I have a book due in (gulp) four months. My blogging feeds my writing in that I blog about the writing process and wrestle with writing issues and demons there, so it is a good adjunct to writing. The other avenues are less so.

So I guess I'm struggling to give myself permission to back off my social networking for a while so I can write the next book. And on some level, it annoys me that I think I need permission. But that's what happens when you're raised Catholic--you need permission for everything. (Also forgiveness, but for now I'm talking about permission.)

However, since I have finally gotten to a place where I am feeling fast and loose with the permission giving, I thought I'd share some with you:

You officially have the Shrinking Violets Permission to lay down your social networking burdens and write. Or read. Or enjoy the ensuing silence. Starting now!