Worst Advice for Introverts

Dear Friends,

In a recent comment to a post of Robin's, our friend, Tanita Davis, shared a link to last Friday's Dear Abby column that could have been written by any one of us.  It was a from a newly published introverted author looking for some advice about how to deal with the limelight. Unfortunately, Abby's response fell short of the mark.  "Short of the mark" being a generous euphemism for crash and burned.  Read it here.

I had a stab of deja'vu while reading Abby's response, recollecting all the bad advice I've been given over the years by well-meaning folks that were trying to help me "out of my shell." Had I the proverbial nickel from every person that was preoccupied with the separation of me from my afore-mentioned shell--well, I would be awash in the little suckers.  And, may I just **holler** in a quiet way a moment here that being separated from one's shell is a very bad idea!  Whenever I heard someone say that to me, I imagined being a tiny buck naked turtle body, sans the protective hood, all aquiver.  

Which serves as seque to one of the worst pieces of advice I was ever given about overcoming my fear of public speaking.  Which is not necessarily an issue for all introverts, but t'was for me, a shy introvert.  Imagine everyone in the audience is naked. 

Now, what kind of person or personality finds that soothing or calming in any possible way? Desperate to succeed, I imagined rows and rows of disrobed bodies and I found it only served to completely spike my blood pressure. A better visual for me is "Imagine everyone is asleep."  Or even, "Imagine the entire audience is in a coma."   Okay, now I can breathe!

Second worst piece of advice I've gotten?  Mingle.  This gems goes right in the "How To Torture Your Introvert" manual.   Those not understanding the way we are hardwired falsely assume that it's the intimate one-on-one conversations that send us shrieking into the night. Better to flit around and don't get too involved with anyone, they suggest.   Or, worse still, let me take you around and introduce you to everyone, so you don't feel so shy.   Sure, and then why not just paint me with jam head to toe and sit me down next to a giant hill of red ants?

So, there's two of the Worst Pieces of Advice for Introverts, and let's hear some more!  I want to get a good list going, and we'll post a link in our sidebar as a public service to us all.   Tanita, thanks for inspiring this post!  What have you been told in your life by friends, family, perhaps a colleague, editor, agent, or even Dear Abby?  

And, let's all send out a giant, gentle mental net to the poor author that wrote the letter to Abby that she will find our community here so that we can all support her. 

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I was missing my grandmother bad today as I celebrated Easter.  The woman could have written the book on dealing with shy, introverted children.  Heck, she should have toured the country as an expert! Whenever she and my grandfather (or any relatives), would come to visit, I would race into my bedroom and hide in the closet.  In the pitch dark. Better that than suffer the onslaught of all the hugging and kissing.  After a while, Nana would tiptoe into the bedroom to bring me a cookie. She would hand it to me through the door-- vertically, not horizontally-- so I didn't have to open the door too wide to get it.  Later when I would finally come out, she wouldn't make a fuss hollering "Well, THERE, she is!"  She'd hardly look at me until I was ready.  Loved her a lot.  Miss her like the dickens.  We need more like her.  Let's be like her.

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I read YA author John Green's An Abundance of Katherines this past week, and adored it much. I think my favorite part was when the main character and his friendgirl-turned-girlfriend were sitting together in this hideaway. The author used this marvelous convention to describe places in their conversation where they weren't saying anything, but they were saying everything in a non-verbal way.  As in:

 ". . . "

 " . . . "

I think this is so brilliant and while it wasn't specifically written as the language of introverts, I'd like to adopt it.  It speaks volumes.    

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We have four volunteers so far to share their favorite indies with us in May.  Any other takers? This involves going to your indie bookstore, taking a photo, and doing a brief interview of your bookseller.  As Robin mentioned, in addition to bringing some much deserved attention to their fabulous work, those of you that nominate someone OR agree to spotlight their work for us will be eligible to be in our drawing to win a $50.00 gift certificate to Indie Bound.  

Hope you all enjoyed a restful and renewing Passover and Easter.  And, if your holidays were a tad low on the restful and renewing, do be kind to yourself and re-charge.

". . . "

Mary 

A Bit Of A Ramble

This is going to be a bit of a catch all post because I’ve spent the entire week deeply buried in medieval France doing research for my next project and boy, was it hard to come back! (Do extroverts ever do that? Get lost in piles of research and not come up for air--or social contact--for days? Or is that an introvert thing.)

I keep hearing a lot about twitter, but none of it explaining why its something I need to do. Frankly, I’m feeling waaaay overloaded on social networking sites and activities, but here is a great discussion of the ins and outs of twittering. If any of you have any experience with it, please do feel free to share it in the comments!

Also, we talk a lot here at SVP about one of the single best marketing things you can do is write a kick ass book. My personal feeling (not necessarily an SVP endorsed opinion) is that our wholly unique, personal perspective is what will help our work stand out, so imagine how thrilled I was to see that Donald Maass agrees! Definitely go read the whole thing, but here's an excerpt:

Where so many manuscripts go wrong is that if they do not outright imitate, they at least do not go far enough in mining the author’s experience for what is distinctive and personal. So many manuscripts feel safe. They do not force me to see the world through a different lens. They enact the author’s concept of what their novel should feel like to read rather than what their inner storyteller urgently needs to say.

(Can you tell I've finally had a chance to catch up on my blog reading?)

And lastly, I’d like to elaborate a little bit on Mary’s shout out for bookseller profiles, especially for those of you who are fairly new to SVP.

One of the most important things you can do to begin creating a network for your books is to get acquainted with your local (or not so local) indie bookseller. However, being introverts, it can be hard to just walk in and say Hi, I want to get to know you. So we thought it would be a great chance for those of you who have yet to introduce yourselves to your local indies to have a trés legitimate excuse to go visit them—so we can feature them on SVP’s National Independent Bookseller Month!

If you’d like to see a sample of what we’ve done in the past, you can check it out here. Also, pretty much any post in our May 2008 archive will give you a good idea.

We’re also looking for nominations for our 2009 Indie Bookseller of the Year. This is a bookseller nominated by an SVP reader who exemplifies all the wonderful, personal, waaay beyond the call of duty service indie booksellers provide to us bibliophiles. Be sure and check out our previous winners, Kris Vreeland of Vromans and this year’s Alex Uhl, owner of A Whale's Tail.

For those of you who nominate a bookseller OR agree to profile a local indie, your name will be entered in a drawing for a $50 Indie Bound gift certificate! (Because we know that sometimes, stepping outside our comfort zone is NOT a decent incentive!)

Book Review by Guest Blogger Pamela D. Toler

(Pictured: C. Hope Clark)

My first reaction on reading Hope Clark's The Shy Writer was "She gets it.  She really gets it."

Unlike the various teachers, friends, and self-appointed mentors who have urged us to "get over" being shy through the years, Hope is one of us.  She knows that shyness is not a character flaw and not something we'll outgrow.  She says firmly that shyness is as permanent a part of us as our original hair color.  (Personally, having watched my hair fade in recent years from new-penny copper to Irish whiskey tawny, I could argue that shyness is more permanent than hair color.)  She points out the strengths that come with being an introvert as well as acknowledging the challenges. 

Much of the book is a collection of useful tactics for coping with the tasks that can make a shy writer want to power down her computer for good.  Whether you need to make a phone call, mingle at a networking event, or make a public presentation, Hope has practical ideas for taking the edge off your anxiety.  Or at least disguising it. 

More important, however, is Hope's challenge to each of us to name our limitations and define our comfort zones.  Recognizing that shrinking violets come in different shades of purple, she asks questions in each chapter that are designed to help a shy writer identify which anxieties she can live with and which tasks cost her more than she can afford. 

In my judgment, The Shy Writer is a must read for any Violet who wants to function in the publishing world.

* * * * * * * * * * * 

Robin and I want to thank our SVP reader Pamela D. Toler for volunteering to review The Shy Writer for us-- thanks much, Pam!  Since Pam already had a copy of this book, we are sending her a copy Susan Shaugnnessy's wonderful book entitled Walking on Alligators: A Book of Meditations for Writers.  I've enjoyed it, Pam, and hope you will too!

If you get a chance to follow Hope Clark's link, it will take you to her website entitled Funds for Writers which does exactly what the name purports-- links writers to numerous cash-paying grants, contests, fellowships and freelance opportunities.  Hope's website has been honored for the 8th year in a row as one of 101 Top Websites for Writers by Writer's Digest.

We are looking for some SVP readers across the country to volunteer to do a spotlight of their local indie during our upcoming month long salute of Independent Booksellers that starts in just three weeks.  Robin and I haven't finished hammering out the details, but at a minimum, this is an opportunity for you to meet your local bookseller if you haven't already, photograph one or more of their staff, and tell us a bit about their store. In turn, your bookseller, then, would be eligible to be in the running for the Independent Bookseller of the Year.  This is one of those marvelous karmic networking opportunities that we talk about here. If you are interested, please email me at Tell me more!  

Hope you all have a seriously stellar week--

Mary Hershey

Workshop Proposals

One of the things we talk about here at SVP is finding those things we can comfortably do to promote our books and concentrate on them. For many introverts, teaching workshops is a great way to get out among the masses and mingle and network (or at least pretend to) and keep the attention comfortably away from US. It’s not about us, it’s about the workshop: it’s about point of view or setting or query letters or plotting or writing humor.

But how does one propose a workshop gig?

Well, the good news is you don’t have to get down on your knee! If you’ve been writing a while you are no doubt familiar with the big conferences in your genre. Most writers’ organizations have big annual conferences: MWA, SFWA, RWA, Novelists Inc., SCBWI. Many of these also have regions or chapters as well, and those often have chapter meetings or daylong workshops. In fact, if you’ve never given a workshop before, that can be a much more comfortable place for breaking in. Their websites often list those major conferences and some of the smaller ones as well. Check those listings for deadlines to submit, contact people, etc.

Even better, much of the contact with conference organizers takes place via email--many introverts favorite means of communication.

Once you’ve identified the conferences you’d like to target, you need to put together a workshop proposal. Think of the workshop proposal as a query letter for your workshop. You want to put your best, most professional foot forward, as well as hook your audience, in this case the conference organizers.

A conference proposal should probably include:

1) A paragraph introducing yourself and why you think your workshop would be a great fit their conference. Have you attended their conference for years now? Studied the topic ad nauseum? Conducted an online version of the workshop that was well received? Be sure and connect the dots for them as to why your topic or the angle on your topic is so perfect for their attendees.

2) A title for your workshop and a log line describing it. Just like a book, this should both be as descriptive and catchy as you can make them. It might end up being be the blurb they include in their brochure.

3) Next comes the more in depth description of what exactly you’ll be covering, who the intended audience is (beginning writers, intermediate, etc.) what tools you’ll be using. Be sure to focus on any angle that sets your workshop apart from others covering similar topics.

4) Also mention if you’ve given this exact workshop before, or whether you’ve given others on different subjects.

5) It’s never a bad idea to include some exercises and handouts you’ll be using. They can be an excellent sales tool in helping the conference organizer get a feel for the breadth and depth and angle of what you’ll be presenting to the class.

6) Include your bio as a writer, but also why you’re qualified to give this workshop.

And if the idea of giving a workshop makes you break out in a cold sweat? You have the Shrinking Violets' permission to let it go. It's not the right promotional activity for you. But don't worry--we'll keep looking until we find one that works . . .

Bubbly for a Day

Never once in my entire life have I ever been called  "bubbly."  

There was a time that I would have gladly given a kidney and a couple of incisors to have been called that, especially in eighth grade. How I pined to be considered bubbly, and have a name like Trixie or Stacy.  Instead I was called "nice" or " even worse,  "sweet." And, well, there was the whole Mary thing.

But the time for wanting to be anyone but who I am has passed.   Like denim jeans at just the right stage of aging, my seat is perfectly broken in, and I am content in the weathered, and faded familiarity of me.  Okay, most of the time?  This is nearly all true.

On occasion, though, some particular course of action will give me a nudge, or sharp poke in the plexus and I'll think-- "Ah, if only I could be bubbly and brave for even just a day."   So, in the interest of diversity and personal growth, I've decided to come up with a list of all the things that I would like to do-- if only, and just in case, I wake on one morning with a raging case of  Reese Weatherspoon Syndrome (ala Legally Blonde).

EXTRAVERT FOR A DAY SCHEDULE

8:00 a.m.  Call my agent and ask her what she is having for breakfast.  

8:30 a.m. Call editor.  Tell her I want to bounce around some title ideas for my novel that is due to her in 48 hours.  Ask her what she had for breakfast

9:00 a.m.  Drop in on neighbor of sixteen years for coffee.  Take AED (Automated External Defibrillator) in case she has a heart attack.

10:30 a.m.  Attend a daylight yoga class.  Put mat in actual row vs. corner.

NOON    Invite three or four extremely talkative friends to have lunch with me.  At the same time. At the same restaurant.  Tell the waiter it's my birthday.

1:00 p.m.  Go to Nordstrom's make-up counter  and ask to try on new foundation. Take-off all my make-up first?  You betcha.  Ask all hands on deck for input on color choices. Request that the guy in the Shoe Department be brought over to weigh in on it.

2:00 p.m.  Stop at a local bookstore that I don't normally frequent.  Introduce myself as a local author. Make bubblelicious small talk.  Drop off complimentary copy of my book if they don't have it. Offer to do a future event. Leave business card(s).

3:00 p.m.  Got to Library.  Repeat 2:00 p.m. activity in a slightlier shush-ier voice. 

4:00 p.m. Call three people that I'm dying to interview for Shrinking Violets.  Email only if number not available (Does anyone have Anne Lamott or Nathan Bransford's phone number? :^)

5:00 p.m.  Call Robin.  Ask her what she had for breakfast.

6:00 p.m.  Take myself out to dinner alone at fave natural food restaurant.  Sit at cool counter and chat up the VitaMix operator.  Ask for samples of three or four desserts before making a choice.

7:30 p.m.  Go bowling with friend Kate who has her own ball. And everything. 

9:00 p.m.  Take bubble bath. Call several friends from tub to discuss book promotion ideas.

10:00 p.m. Charge AED for personal use. Just in case.

How about you?  What would  do as a extravert for a day? We would love to hear! And, if you want to share what you've had for breakfast, apparently, I'm all ears.  

Happy week, everyone!

Mary 

The Butterfly Effect—Book Event Style

Well I had a great time in Texas, and fortunately I experienced no technical difficulties of the nature Mary described. (Hallelujah!)

While doing my Speedy Quick Texas Book Tour, I was reminded of a lesson I keep learning again and again, and that is that we can’t even begin to understand which connections have value and will bear fruit, so we have to treat each opportunity as if it is golden.

In fact, there is a saying that goes something like: When the student is ready, the teacher will come. Which I have bastardized in my own mind so that it goes more like this: Whatever reader will most benefit from meeting me at a booksigning, will be there.

With that phrase clutched tightly to my bosom, I can face any and all booksignings with a certain comfort level. Even if only one person shows up, I allow myself to believe that they were the one person it was most important for me to meet that day, even if I never know or understand exactly why.

During my recent trip to Texas, the truth of these words was brought home to me. At one book signing, held at 11:00 on a Saturday when most kids were still at their soccer games, there were only a handful of people. There was, however, one girl who came (dressed up as Theodosia, no less!) and we were able to talk one on one for a good 20 minutes. When she had left, her mother and I had a chance to talk and I learned about some of the hard issues this kid had been dealing with, and I was immeasurably grateful that I had had a chance to meet and talk with her. It made the entire event completely worthwhile.

The thing is, every writer I know has a story like this. Every single one. Usually however, we don’t ever understand how they fit into the greater scheme of things—what karmic marketing opportunity they might present. This time however, when discussing the booksigning with my publicist, she zeroed right in on the fact that this girl was homeschooled (as is the character in my book) and realized that was a marketing approach we should tap into. Voila!

At another signing, most of the people in attendance were already fans, so I didn’t sell many new books. However, I was able to spend a lot of time with the bookstore employees, who were all wildly enthusiastic about the books and suggested I come back when Book III is released so that they could take me into the local schools for school visits. As any writer would agree, that invitation is golden! And most likely not something that would have happened if I hadn’t had a chance to meet them face to face.

So that’s the thing about book signings. You simply can’t take them at face value. You never know which person you meet will be the butterfly wing that flutters open a marvelous new door for you.

Milestone Monday and More!

Photo by Kevin Baird

Dear Violets and Vinnies,

Mary and Robin are back in the building!  And, very glad to be here with our favorite "peops!" Hope you all had a marvelous week.  

I had an exceptional time frolicking in Fresno, California with some amazing School Librarians and their staff.  Which I followed with a truly Don Knotts moment when after cramming ninety junior students into a smallish cafeteria, my Power Point presentation would not come up. No way, no how-- despite praying a number of Hail Marys  directly into the USB port. I would have to face the assembled mass totally unplugged for a full hour with no fun slides, visuals, soundtrack, or Youtube-- just uh, ME... middle-aged dame and all.  

This was actually the second time I had a techno-malfunction  in the span of about six weeks. The first time was with a group of kindly adults who did not have Must Have Media written all over them.  I punted and things went fine.  I think they would have been good if I'd burst into a hour long rendition of Kumbaya-- those kind of great students.

With my hoard of 90 pre-pubescents, however, there was the chance that things could get ugly. Their School Librarian was looking as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a rocking chair factory. God love her, she kept apologizing as if it were her fault.  I briefly considered whippping off my boots, and  fashioning a couple of quick sock puppets.  Which might have worked if the students were three, and not twelve-going-on-seventeen. So I took a big bracing breath, pretended it was whiskey, unhooked the mike from the podium, and moved closer.  I took all the concepts from the non-existent slides, and instead embed them deeply in story.  Within moments I had the tribal fire crackling, and the universal power of story saved the day.  

As a P.S. to this, I also had not received my shipment of author postcards in time for my trip, so I made a quick trip to Costco and bought ninety Hershey bars, which I signed with a silver Sharpie. Which the kids loved a lot, and before long, I was signing hands, forearms, and the rubber soles of their shoes.  (Nervous School Librarian now sweating profusely). I had a few requests for other body parts, which I politely declined. :-]  All in all, a seriously great day was had at Raisin City Elementary.  Smart, funny kids.  If you ever get invited, g-o.

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Here's an even quicker tool for assessing introversion and extraversion that I heard recently:
If you are interrupted while reading and you are irritated, you're an introvert.
If you are interrupted while reading and you are grateful, you're an extravert.
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I am looking for someone to read and review the book entitled The Shy Writer by C. Hope Long for our blog. Interested? I'll send you a copy of the book to keep--along with your very own autographed Hershey bar! Email me at Pick me, Mary!

We are just about five weeks away from the start of our Third Annual National Independent Bookseller Month here at SVP, a month long festival in which we pay homage to the extraordinary work of our indie bookstores.  Each year we have selected a an indie staff member as our Bookseller of the Year, and treated them to dinner at their favorite swanky restaurant and presented them with a very also swanky certificate. These come coupled with our undying loyalty,  and servitude for the year.  (Robin, have we remembered to tell them about the servitude part?)  In 2007, we selected and celebrated Vroman's Bookstore's Kris Vreeland and in 2008, Alex Uhl of A Whale of a Tale Bookshoppe in Irvine, Calfornia took the honors.

Start thinking about 2009 nominees now!  Our last two winners have both been from California. We'd love to see some nominees from other states.  Everyone that submits a nominee will be entered in our drawing to win a Indie Bound gift certificate.  If your nominee is selected, we're talking big loot.  

Lastly, but never leastly, time for another Milestone Monday-- a random Monday dedicated to giving each of you an opportunity to practice a bit of self-promotion. The road to publication can be long, years long, and we want to celebrate your triumphs along the way with a cyber hoot and holler.  So, pony up to the line with your tribespeople, and let us know your good news.

Let's hear it for your path--
Mary