A Uniquely Introverted Approach?

In the comments a couple of week’s ago, someone said they were still looking for a uniquely introverted approach to being an author rather than settling for Extrovert Lite, and I thought that was an interesting point. It got me to thinking, what would a uniquely introverted presence look and feel like? Is there a way to craft presence that is truly based on introvert strengths and not Extrovert Lite?

If one’s idea of an introvert presence is to have to do absolutely no engaging or connecting, the answer is probably not. One exception to this might be if you wrote such a dynamic, compelling kick @ss book that the publisher gets behind it in a BIG way and does all the heavy lifting for you. Even then, they will most likely want you to have some presence, some way of your readers to find you, a web site, a Facebook or Twitter account, or a blog. But how you use them is up to you.

So how does an introvert take these tools and use them wholly in their own way?

I think part of that answer is to use them with a different end in mind; to connect with readers rather than to draw and create new readers. It is a small thing really, a shift in perspective, but one that is based solidly in the introvert’s personality and strengths.

Introvert strengths that can be used to connect with readers are:

1. We are good at connecting deeply and meaningfully with people.

2. We like to think and talk about big, important things and ideas. Not chit chat, but deep conversations.

3. While we do like to connect with people, it needs to be in keeping with our own energy levels. This is why the internet is such a huge breakthrough for introverts.

So we build our marketing presence on those three principles. In fact, it will not so much be a marketing presence but more about creating opportunities to connect. It might seem like a matter of semantics, but it radically shifts the focus and the goal of what you’re doing—and that goes a long way to taking it out of the Extrovert Lite category and putting it solidly into the Truly Introvert category.

The thing is, if you’re a writer, I’m guessing that means you had something to say, something that compelled you to give voice to the ideas and thoughts in your head. Connecting in an introverted way is simply about extending that at the edges, just a little bit.

As an introvert:

DON’T pay attention to numbers and visitor counters.

DON’T promote your work or put a scintilla of pressure on yourself to shill your books.

DON’T feel  like the focus has to be all about you.

DO pay attention to each reader that stops by—answer their comments, create a relationship.

DO have your book cover and title and appropriate links somewhere on your site or FB page, just as one additional aspect of who you are.

DO focus on and talk about things that move you, things that you care about and are passionately involved in. Chances are, those issues touch your work in some way and can be a faintly connecting thread.

As for what tools are best suited to introverts, well, I know there are many introverts out there who enjoy Twitter, but an equal number find it distressing. Luckily, there are many other ways to connect. I am one who prefers Facebook to Twitter (although I am on both) because it is mutual and it is less about connecting in real time and just about connecting. It suits my own personal rhythms better.

Blogging is also good because it allows us to have deep, lengthy conversation, rather than quick, shallow sound bytes, which I am not so fond of.

Skyping is my new favorite thing and will, I think, allow introverts to connect in a big way with their younger readers. There is something very intimate about sitting at home in front of your computer with a group of twenty, eight year olds sitting criss-cross applesauce on the floor. It feels much more like a conversation than a presentation and I cannot recommend it highly enough. I also highly recommend finding someone to practice with Thank you, Sarah! Thank you, Gbemi!)

In fact, I think that is the secret to getting comfortable with any extroverted activity: practice, practice, practice until it is second nature. You just have to speak in public, network, give a presentation, tell someone your elevator pitch often enough that it is smooth and practiced and all the bumps and kinks are worked out.

When one is lacking a natural affinity for something, rock solid knowledge and familiarity can be a helluva great substitute.

The thing is though, the true trick, is to not give up before you’ve achieved at least technical mastery. That is the secret to Toastmasters—you just stand up and speak in front of people so freakin’ often that you’ve gotten used to it.

It is also hugely important to keep in mind that there are an entire array of non-internet based marketing tools out there, so if any sort of socializing feels like too much, consider one of those. Targeted postcard mailings, extensive ARC and author copy mailings to key libraries, schools, and indie booksellers. For just about the best outline of these sorts of activities, I highly recommend Saundra Mitchell’s Tools for Writers here and here. For an introvert who is just not interested in any sort of connecting or socializing, that might be the most effective use of your time and energy.

I also think that, as an introvert, it is extraordinarily easy to take a lack of comfort with an activity and label it as extroverted. For many introverts, transitions and learning in public is not a comfortable thing. But that is different than not actually enjoying the activity itself, so maybe pick an activity or two and give yourself time to master it to the point of familiarity and competence and see if that changes your view at all.

The thing to keep in mind is that there ARE introverts out there who like to do things that other introverts don’t. So to say that including any of those activities is the equivalent of catering to Extrovert Lite isn’t exactly accurate. There are social, energetic, enthusiastic, communicative introverts out there.  We can learn from them.

Anne Lamott goes out there, warts and all, and is completely authentic; interestingly, one of the things people love most about her is her absolute honesty and vulnerability.

No one can tell me John Green isn’t an introvert. I also find it fascinating that his huge internet presence came out of simply inviting others to participate in the genuine connection between he and his brother. There’s a big lesson there.

Mitali Perkins is an introvert, yet she is a big user of social media—but she uses it to be involved in matters she is hugely passionate about, to connect with readers and writers, and people who care about the same things she does.

Suzanne Collins, Meghan Whalen Turner, Kristen Cashore, all have very quiet internet presences. They’ve also written amazing books that have done very, very well. But even then, Collins ended up having to go on tour to connect with her fans and Cashore speaks and reads at a huge number of events. She even talks about her road to getting comfortable with that, something that did not come easily to her. Turner seems to have been able to maintain a very quiet presence, but she is also a Newberry Medalist, so there is that.

Another approach to help you develop and maintain a more uniquely introverted presence online is to take a cue from Elizabeth Gilbert. A couple of years ago, Mary posted about how Gilbert’s technique of telling her story to just one particular person in her mind, garnered millions of readers.

Most introverts not only have that ability—to talk meaningfully with one person—but actually enjoy that activity. Find out what sorts of conversations you enjoy having, then find a way to gently and quietly bring them to your author presence.

The thing is, the internet is an amazing tool. An important thing to keep in mind is it doesn’t have to be wielded at full blare in order to be effective.

I would love to hear of any people you think have created a uniquely introverted presence, or ideas, suggestions, or tips you have that would help someone do that.

Public Speaking 101: A Case Study

Dear Friends,

Our reader, Kimberly Lynn, sent us this very funny clip from a 1966 film called The Ghost and Mr. Chicken , starring the late actor, Don Knotts.  God rest his howlingly funny soul. I remember watching this as a kid, and man, do I recall this scene. Talk about empathy pains!  In this clip, his character Luther, is giving a speech at a community event. As I watched this cringing and laughing, I thought what a great coaching piece this could be for all of us.  I was feeling his pain in particular, having just done a writing workshop two weekends ago where at last minute I was forced to change classrooms. I lost the ability to use the computer and projector.  You mean, I'd have to just talk?  Without my electronic props?  Say it isn't so! Take a look at the clip, and then come on back--

Click here to watch.

There are so many things that go wrong here that contributed to his melt-down.  Right out the gate, he has technical problems with a screeching microphone.  His hands are shaking.  His voice follows suit.  He loses his  notes.  He has people sitting close and behind him on stage, which can be unsettling to our kind.  A woman he has a big crush on is sitting in the audience. His opening joke goes over like a fart in church.  And, he is getting heckled.  What else? Well, his bowtie looks way too tight. That can't be good.  Finally, he is giving what seems to be a brain-numbing speech at a festive outdoor event, when people are probably stuffed with hot dogs and pie.  Anything I missed?  

So, imagine that you have been given the opportunity to freeze frame this public speaking debacle, jump in and give poor old Luther some in vivo coaching.  What would you say to him? How could you help him survive his public address? 

Keeping with the ghost theme here, I've got a copy of the latest Newberry winner, Neil Gaiman's The Graveyard Book, to the person that comes up with some of the very best coaching tips for him.  

I also want to point out that Robin has just posted the covers for three YA novels written by our accomplished readers in the sidebar on your right.  This is part of our newish showcase of our tribe.  Congrats to Tanita Davis, Cynthia Leitich Smith and Susan Schmid. May your books live long, and reach far and wide!

Best of luck to you and... peeps, help save Luther!  

Mary Hershey

Dear Shrinking Violets-- SOS!

Robin and I received this email from one of our readers, and wanted to get right on it! (Some details have been changed to honor the writer's privacy.)

Dear Shrinking Violets,

This past weekend, I attended an SCBWI Regional Conference. I was signed up for the Writers Intensive on the first day. Aah! Toward the end of the session, we divided into groups for critiques. I’ve never read my work in front of other people other than my husband. I actually did better than I thought I would, but I totally could not breathe. I thought I was going to hyperventilate. For real! And my picture book manuscript was only 430 words for crying out loud! I also noticed that one of our workshop leaders couldn’t breathe during her presentation as well – and she even mentioned this to the group. I have no idea how to deal with this unexpected situation. Any advice would be appreciated!

Thanks,
Breathless

Dear Breathless,

We are so glad that you wrote, and I hope you know that Violets all over are feeling your pain! I am quite certain that we've all gone through this same experience at least once. It does feel just god-awful. That, and worse!

The mind- body connection is a mighty relationship that cannot be underestimated. As the saying goes, what goes in must come out. Your body was merely expressing the information and orders you had input. It performed beautifully!  It doesn't ever-ever-ever operate randomly, even though it does feel that way at times.

And, we don't emote in a vacuum either. It all starts in that amazing space between your ears. While you may hardly have been aware, as you sat in the critique group waiting your turn, you started a running monologue. It might have sounded something like-- Oh, lord, it's almost my turn... what if they hate my work ... what if they don't get it... what if that really cool published writer over there thinks I'm pathetic ... what if . . . what if???

As fast as you input all that, your autonomic response system was gearing up for fight/flight or some kind of serious hoe-down. Your heart kicked up its busy production schedule, prepping you for whatever you needed. It pulled in the blood supply from your extremeties to ready you. But, Breathless, you didn't move! You just sat there-- gunning your motor, locked in Park. 

So to answer your question, fixing this for future reference has to start early on. Before your monologue starts. You'll need to write a brand new one-- one that is way gentler than the one you were running. If you have a hard time with that, think about what the nicest person in the whole world would say if they were sitting next to you. As in, WWJBD? (What would Judy Blume do? Gawd, she's so nice!) Or your partner or BWBFF. They might say things like-- They're gonna love you-- this piece has got something-- you'll learn something here-- everyone is probably nervous too-- your hair looks fabulous, by the way. Get the idea?

That's my take on this, Breathless-- think prevention. But, if you get to the Point of (Nearly) No Return, and you need that pound of cure and you need it QUICK-- what then? I'm going to open the floor and pass the mike to our tribe of experts. Let's hear from those of you out there. Since we know this has happened to everyone, what has worked for you?  Short of a little brown paper bag, what works?

Thanks, everyone!  

Mary Hershey

Surprisingly, It DOES Get Easier…

At work today I was talking to a coworker. I had taught a workshop last Saturday and would be coming in late tomorrow because I was doing a school visit in the morning. My coworker looked at me, jaw agape, and said, “Oh my God, I could never do that. Never. I would be a nervous wreck for a full week before I even had to speak. And then I would just stutter with nerves.”

And as I listened to her, I realized she was describing me, four years ago.

Four years ago, the mere idea of speaking in front of more than two people who weren’t related filled me with dread. My palms grew all sweaty, my throat dry, and my voice got shaky with nerves. Sometimes, I even couldn’t breathe—literally—while attempting public speaking and had to come to a complete stop and gasp down some oxygen, because my lungs constricted.

But lately I’ve noticed something, and it really hit me over the head last Saturday. I was barely nervous at all anymore. In fact, I don’t even think what I was feeling could be called nerves, more like anticipation, looking forward to getting the workshop ball rolling, as it were.

Sure, I was wondering if I had too much material or not enough, or if I had enough copies of the handouts or had provided enough examples—but no, lung-clenching, throat constricting, oh-my-god-I-can’t-breathe case of nerves. The whole public speaking part of it wasn’t even an issue.

Somewhere along the way, I got used to the act of public speaking. And while there will always be some situations that are more comfortable than others, I now have some success to draw upon.

That's not to say I'll always be fine with every public speaking occasion in the future. Hardly. This was only a group of about thirty, and I was talking about writing, not me or being an author. Put me in front of a group of 200 adults? Yeah, I'll probably continue to be a little nervous. But now that I have proof that I can acclimate to these sorts of situations, it makes it just that much more worthwhile to push myself a little bit in that direction. Mary even has a name for these sorts of goals, push goals? Stretch goals? Can't remember...

Anyway, that’s what I’d like to share with any of you Violets with a similar dread of public speaking: you really and truly can become accustomed to it through practice. And this is coming from someone who swore they would never be able to. I never set out to get used to it, but I kept plugging away at a few speaking opportunities, letting my love of connecting with a room full of kids or sharing craft elements with fellow writers overcome my fear of speaking in front of groups. And Voila! It did in fact get easier…

And trust me, if it can get easier for me, it can for you too...

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Conference…

As Mary mentioned, I was a workshop leader at the Santa Barbara Writer’s Conference a couple of weeks ago, where I taught a six day class on writing children’s novels.

Okay, you can stop laughing now. I really did! Me, Madame Introvert taught a six day class. In front of people! Very highly intelligent and creative people! And they were looking at me!

Very odd behavior for an introvert. Or maybe not.

I will confess, there were a couple of horrible moments. The worst moment was the opening of the conference, when all the workshop leaders were required to give a two minute introduction/speech describing their workshop.

Most. Painful. Two. Minutes. Ever.

So I talked really fast, pretended to make eye contact while really only staring at people’s foreheads, and got it over with in under 45 seconds. AND managed to NOT trip while leaving the stage, something a surprising number of people did. (It was an awkwardly set up stage.)

Another painful moment was the staff party where all the staff and agents and editors from the conference get together for a social hour. In true introvert style, I am SO not a party goer. But I girded my loins and sallied forth to do my duty.

I was only one of two new teachers on a staff of about 45, so again, total nightmare, everyone else knew everyone there. So I forced myself to walk up to two very nice women and introduce myself and just talk. Gawd it was hard! Especially because it turned out they were agents. But see, once I remembered I had a perfectly good agent and am not in the market for a new one, talking to them became much more comfortable. And they were equally happy to have someone to talk to, since they had just been trying to talk themselves into mingling. Even agents have a hard time mingling at parties. Who knew?

The third most awkward moment was walking into the farewell breakfast, a room full of 500 people, all at tables with their closest and most treasured friends. Well, okay. Maybe not closest and most treasured, but it sure seemed that way. It brought back the memory of every middle school dance I ever attended, clinging to the wall, simultaneously wishing and dreading someone would ask me to dance.

But I did manage to snag someone I’d met and ask if her table was full, and was invited to sit down and had a lovely time.

But why-oh-why would I put myself in the direct line of so much awkwardness?

Because I love to teach workshops. Yep. Me, an officially registered, card-carrying introvert loves teaching. Even though it means I stand up in front of a room full of people and they stare at me.

See, workshops aren’t about me, they’re about writing. Craft. Stretching oneself. Learning the tricks of our writerly trade. And that is something I can talk for hours about with just about anybody.

Which is just a long way of saying that many times, even as introverts, we have comfort zones that we can use to connect with other writers and industry professionals.

Sometimes it just takes a while to find them…