A Word about Self Care for Introverts

Robin's last blog entry was a veritable feast of fabulous promotion and marketing info-- wow! Graci, Robin, and thank you, Cynthia Leitich Smith. You girls got it going on!

While we are digesting it all, I thought you might indulge me in a a few words slightly off-topic. Not so much about promoting your work, but very important to your well-being, and as such, our collective survival as introverted creativists, writers, artists.

If you haven't yet gotten your 2008 edition of The Introvert's Guide to Self-Care & Sanity in a World at Maximum Volume, allow me to share some intel from mine. (Okay, I just made this whole book up, but someone should write it, for god's sake.)

So, we're just going to continue and pretend I got all these tips from The Introvert's Guide, okay?

Tip #1: If you work in an office with others, and have an empty chair near your desk, get rid of it! Or, stack it high with papers or projects. It discourages others from hanging around your desk too long. Introverts work better without a lot of interruptions. If you work at home and have family and friends that can't seem to respect your work time, keep a basket of unfolded laundry next to you, or maybe an errand list. When your interrupters arrive, give them work to do. They'll stop dropping buy as often. This one comes with my personal guarantee.

Tip #2: You absolutely don't have to say yes to every social invitation you get. Truly. If you do, you are begging for a melt-down, and that's just never pretty. Pick the kind of events that work best for you-- time-limited ones during the day vs. night, or maybe ones centered around an activity like bowling, movies or mud wrestling, and not just endless hours of the dreaded Small Talk.

Tip #3: If you ever end up being held hostage on an airplane next to an rabid extravert who won't stop talking, and they don't seem put off by you putting on headphones, how about trying this? Start talking non-stop to them about any senseless thing that comes to your mind. If you run out of things to say, make them listen to you read out loud long excerpts from a fascinating article from the in-flight magazine. Some extraverts are looking for introverts to charge upon-- if they mistake you for another Chatzilla, chances are they'll be pulling their little pillow out and closing their eyes soon.

Tip #4: Honor and celebrate the quiet, low volume, solitary activities that you love and need. They aren't non-activities, and they aren't a sign of your stunted social development. Sitting by yourself listening to quiet music or no music and just watching the shadows move across the walls is as valid an activity as a Dodger's Game with your entire family. It's even cheaper, easier on the environment, and kinder on your HDL, too.

Tip #5: Be or find this kind of party host: The B-E-S-T party I ever went to was given by this marvelous, madly extraverted woman. The party was spread out over several rooms at a club and included a talent show (I know! I almost fled screaming), wild dancing and a lot of talking/drinking/people talking really LOUDLY. At this point you're wondering why this was the best party I ever went to? This amazing host had set aside an Introverts Room! It was a quiet, slightly darkened room with a fireplace, snacks set out, softer music, and reading material. There were several of us that were in there. I loved it.

Got tips? If you'd like to see one of your survival tips published in my made-up 2008 Introvert's Guide send them on to Hey, Mary, I've got a good one!. There will be prizes, of course!

Later, friends! I'm off to re-charge my battery. :-)
Mary

Why We Love Launching at Independent Bookstores

Dear Friends & Fellow Violets,

Yesterday, Robin and I had the great privilege of launching our new Spring titles with three other seriously cool authors at Adventures for Kids Bookstore in Ventura, California-- superhero Greg Trine, of Melvin Bederman fame, the delightful Barbara Jean Hicks, author of The secret Life of Walter Kitty, and Jody Fickes Shapiro, birth mother to the lovely Family Lullaby.

AFK opened it's doors back in 1979 under the loving and expert ministrations of Jody Fickes Shapiro, one of the 'seriously cool' authors I just mentioned. Jody turned the store over to Barbara O'Grady just over a year ago so that she could devote herself to writing and yodeling full-time. Lucky us. That's Jody pictured below signing her new book:

and also Robin and I standing with Barbara, the new owner:

It was a great event, made all the more exciting by a liter bottle of root beer that missed its calling as a torpedo, and nearly blew me out to the parking lot. Fortunately, my pants were to wet to get airborne. Greg Trine swears he and Melvin had nothing to do with it, but he couldn't promise the McNasty Brothers didn't have a hand in it. I'm sending Walter the Kitty, aka Fang, after them next time. The scoundrels. :->

During our presentation to the audience, a very articulate young girl asked what was the "hardest part" about writing. "Promotion" kept running through my head like an electronic banner, but that hardly seemed like a polite thing to say at an--um, well, promotional event.

And, generally, that is very true, but yesterday's event was a great example of how some of that can be mitigated for the introvert. For one, the environment of an indie is about reading, about connections, and much less about how many of your books get run through the scanner. Pressure is off.

Secondly, a multi-author event can create both personal energy and group synergy. It gives you an opportunity to share the spotlight and enjoy yourself, instead of feeling that every orb is trained on you, and that you might need to whip out your accordian and keep everyone happy and entertained.

I want to thank Jody and Barbara for all they did to put on such a great event, and to all the other writers that joined us, published and unpublished. It means the world to us to have you with us! Thank you! Graci! Allegato, all!

On Fast Turtles and Friendly Introverts

Since my recent coming out as an unabashed introvert, I've fielded a raised eyebrow or two by a few people that know me socially from writing conferences. They seem surprised by this. “But you're so friendly!" Or, “Geez, you don't seem one bit shy!" And I must admit that when I first met Robin in an Adult Ed class, she didn't seem like an introvert to me. I was guessing she was a major E. She was talkative, friendly and even raised her hand in class the very first night! I was impressed.

Some introverts can be quiet, reticent, withdrawn, and some introverts may be talkative, outgoing and the first to cut up at a party. Or, one may be all those things! Just as I feel certain that there are extroverts who enjoy solitude and silent contemplation. We can be very "bi".

Intros and extros are functional, adaptive beings. Jungian type is a preference that shows itself early on, like right-handedness or left-handedness. But, it doesn't mean that we are completely limited to one style or the other. If I broke my right hand, you can bet dollars to doughuts I'd teach my left hand how to open a diet coke and work my eyeliIner pencil. (Though I might look scary for a while, and trust you all would be too polite to mention it.)

In a social setting, I may be Miss Chatty Pants USA. And, I won't be faking! I like people and I'm curious about them. I enjoy asking questions-- I'm a writer! That said, if I wore a visible battery charge device, at a large gathering you could watch my meter go from five bars to one to “Battery Low” to “Danger! Code Blue!” Much like Cinderella, I need to be home by midnight, or I will end up on the dance floor in the fetal position sucking the toe of my glass slipper.

The true test of introversion is-- what? C'mon, everybody, now! It is in how one gathers their energy. When spent, how do you charge back up? Do you go inside of yourself, or do you look to others to plug in? And this isn't something you can easily observe in others with just casual contact. You have to get to know them.

So, can turtles ride skateboards? You bet! Now and then it feels good to get out there and stick your neck out. But, when we've sailed some rail and blown our wad, for us, at the end of the day-- it feels best to just find a quiet corner and tuck in for a spell.

Your shy and friendly friend,

Mary Hershey