On Saying "No"

I was talking with a client this past week about that very essential survival skill of saying "NO." It's just a tiny, two letter utterance, and for many of us it feels about as awful as gargling fire. We expect devastation, ruin and the need for rescue people to be summoned in our NO's wicked aftermath.

The trouble with saying no is that it most usually invites a lot more conversation, cajoling, sometimes whining, often conflict. And as introverts, we'll take collaboration, harmony, being off-stage any day of the week. It's so much easier to say yes, and be done it. Or, the alternative, which is to tell a big fat fib. And, then you have to make sure you remember it, in case there is, uh, follow-up about that alleged sherpa gig you pulled all summer. Which is why you couldn't join the rowing team.

Dawg, I hate the big fat fib stuff! Even though I have a great imagination, and could think of a gatrillion reasons that I can't do something. (Call me if you need some fresh material) But I just can't stomach the guilt that comes with it. Nor should I have to! I feel quite certain that I've spent the equivalent of an entire decade at events I don't want to be at, faking a lively interest. In my head, I'm picturing myself home alone with a book, a cat, and bucket of diet coke.

This next year for my birthday, I'm going to make this really cool party invitation where I ask everyone to stay home alone, without any talking, no electronics, and be quiet for three hours. (Gifts could be mailed to me.) 'Cos that's my idea of a fun time. And, it's so way past my turn--

Before writing and publication, I could get away with blowing my wad on things I didn't want to do, and the mandatory recovery period afterwards. So what if my spirit felt sucked dry-- I'd just sleep an extra two or three hours. Now, if I've got that kind of extra time, I need to be
w-r-i-t-i-n-g.

It has turned into a simple math problem. I don't have enough minutes left in life to do things that don't serve my life purpose-- which is to be a good partner to my sidekick, write for kids, be a decent coach, and have lunch with Anne Lamott. That's all I can focus on. (Okay, there are seven other things, but you get my drift.)

Thing is, I'm actually an expert at saying no. Pretty much have a black belt in it. So do you! Every single time we say yes to something we don't want to do, we are saying an unequivocal NO to ourselves. NO to what we might have preferred to do. NO to what works better for us. NO to what we know we need to move our project or situation forward. NO to who we are as introverts.

This very succinct little word sets a good model for explanation. Be brief. "No thanks." "Sorry, I can't." "No, I've got other plans." Y ou really don't need to explain yourself more than that. Any more than the extravert would be expected to explain why the heck they need a lot of people coming over to their house on Friday night after being with people all day at work. A brief regret, wish them a good time, and change the subject.

Be very, very pleased with yourself. Swallow the scary aftertaste of the NO you just delivered, and focus on the big, juicy YES you just gave yourself. Strong work!

Now, this is where things get tricky. Having just empowered you all to let the N-word rip, now I've got to ask you to do something. Talk about your terrible timing! :-> But here I go anyway.

Please DO keep the responses coming about your favorite indies. In case you missed Monday's post, we'd love it if you'd send us the name/website/address of your favorite independent bookstore. We are getting ready to celebrate them. Thanks to all of you that have responded on and off-line. More, por favor!

Grazie--
Mary Hershey

Marketing to Bookstores

There were a couple of session on promotion that I attended at the SCBWI Conference that I wanted to talk about, but I think I’ll save that for next week as a recent link on our So Cal SCBWI listserv directed me to this booksellers blog post that I thought I’d like to discuss today.

It has some very good news for fellow Violets…

Here’s the link to the blog post entitled: The Cookie Theory: Author’s Secret Weapon or Crummy Mess?

I think every author and pre-published author should read it. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Wasn’t that an incredible amount of helpful information on how to approach booksellers? The whole article was helpful, but there are a few things I’d like to discuss in terms of how they work well for us Shrinking Vis.

In rare moments of quiet, booksellers on the front lines share their war stories about off-putting cold calls, misguided interruptions, unpublished manuscripts about pets and grandchildren, and frustration at the number of would-be authors who want stores to carry their self-published books on consignment.

Here is a good example of one of the many benefits of being an introvert. We are very unlikely to do any of those things, preferring in fact, to have our wisdom teeth pulled.

ABC fields hundreds of calls from authors and publishers every year about who we are, and whether or not we can help them promote their books. (We can’t, other than providing a great network should they want to join.)

I think that last part is really important. Even an association of booksellers can’t really help us promote our books. Doesn’t that take the pressure off? I don’t need to come up with a scheme/trick/schtick/gimmick to get their attention, because they can’t help me with promotion anyway!

But they do have a network we can join. That doesn’t mean quick, drop by postings or massive promotional emails. What it does mean is feeling that independent booksellers selling childrens’ books is of passionate interest to you. Enough so that you’re willing to add one more organization to your busy life in order to support that cause.

More and more, authors in the current publishing climate think that a little guerrilla marketing might help them get ahead.

(I would be willing to bet dollars for donuts that an extrovert coined this phrase!)

They recognize that building relationships with booksellers is important. And they are right, but how to do it? What’s most effective?

One of their answers? WRITE A TRULY EXCELLENT BOOK.

Which relates back to Favorite Marketing Advice #1! Write the most amazing book you can. Spend extra time on it, push yourself and your craft. This is something all introverts can do!

But I’m adding some others, and hope other booksellers might chime in.

* Offer a day’s gift-wrapping backup during the holiday season.
* Put up posters for bookstore events.
* Help staff an out-of-store event.
* Help read and evaluate galleys.

Wow! Aren’t those some great ideas!! And those feel very doable to me; I’m offering to do something helpful and useful, the focus is no longer about me, but supporting stores I believe in! As an introvert, doesn’t that feel more doable to you?

And here’s some more good news listed under the five LEAST effective things you can do to work with independent bookstores:

* Mail a single flyer and then follow up with a hard sell either by phone or in person
* Make a cold call to a bookseller, and then monopolize their precious time with a lengthy sales pitch

Look at that! They hate when people do that! Which means we can permanently cross that off our I-Don’t-Want-To-But-I-Feel-Like-I-Have-To List. Oh, the freedom!

At the most basic level, creating successful and long-lasting relationships in the children’s book business is really about understanding and helping booksellers do their jobs better.

Which really, goes back to one of the introverts strengths that we discussed earlier: making deep, personal connections.

She then goes on to list five ways to make friends with booksellers (where again, she reiterates that written communication trumps a cold call—YES!!) and help them build their business, and I recommend you commit those to memory.

After all, if you’re a writer, chances are books are your passion, and you and the independent booksellers have much in common. And a much better introvert strategy than cold calling or hard selling is building on existing common passions.

And a big, fat THANK YOU to Kristen McLean and Carol Chittenden for telling us exactly what we needed (and wanted!) to hear!